I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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