You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
