Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i've created a new STD.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
