Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
