this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I need a burrito and a hug.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
