dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
