I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Its about making memories worth repressing
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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