Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
