maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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