Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
she told me i tasted like america
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
