I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
