thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
