i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
