She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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