Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
