If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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