I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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