She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
