I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Randomize
