I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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