Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
