Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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