i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
