i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize