my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
