I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
