just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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