The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
