There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
