its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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