I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
