Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
