Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
