I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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