I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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