i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
