I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Rumble strips road head = magical
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
