that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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