Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize