i barfeds in our rink
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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