Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
