i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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