okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
