omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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