I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
