you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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