how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
