East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
