your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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