hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
