no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
