I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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