i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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