He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
