You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
