I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
