the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
