I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
