My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
