I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
pray to the hookup gods
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize