My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
