Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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