omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
