goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
